When was the last time you received something presented to you with grace? Receiving is not a skill that most people excel at. In the name of humility, most people get uncomfortable receiving praise from others. Some unwritten societal norm demands that when someone who is not an immediate family member or dear friend presents you with a gift, money, or an unexpected surprise, you must demur, refuse to accept it, or argue with the gifter and insist that you will not accept such unnecessary niceties because, well, it’s unnecessary.
Receiving is a necessary skill, though, and balances out the principle of generosity. If you give to make the world a better place, you must also be able to receive what is given back to you in return. The energetic exchange of giving and receiving is not an exchange at all if all you do is give. To receive is not to be selfish. You have every right to take care of your energy and sometimes balancing out your energy requires receiving from someone else.
My own lessons in receiving
Receiving often challenges people because by receiving anything you are acquiescing to help. Independent Western minds are not particularly fond of the word “help.” This, of course, is ludicrous. We live in a world in which relationships are everything. You can not live in this world alone. Even the most introverted person needs love and attention from someone. You cannot build a successful business alone. Even the President of the United States has a vast team of people helping out. Receiving is a relationship skill and relationship skills are life skills.
I remember the first time I noticed how to receive with grace. When I was in high school I sang in a choir that was quite good. My choir teacher was well-known in the state and would often receive praise from other educators and community members about how good his choirs were. One time, someone praised him in front of the whole choir and his response forever stuck in my mind. After receiving the compliment, my choir teacher simply said, “Thank you,” and continued on with his lesson. He didn’t say “Oh, it’s not me, it’s the students,” or “You’re too kind, you don’t have to say that,” or “There are many choirs that are so much better, we’re just a modest choir doing our best.” He just said, “Thanks.” Compliment received. Let’s keep working.
I try to remember this simple gesture when students feel the need to tell me how much they enjoyed class. I try to embrace this simple gesture when email subscribers respond to my emails telling me how much these blog posts and my weekly emails help them (subscribe below if you’re not on the list!). And while I still have a hard time accepting monetary gifts from my students and clients, I try not to spend too much time saying “I simply can’t accept this.” Receiving is about honoring the energetic exchange in the relationship. When you don’t receive well, you throw the relationship out of balance.
The Sutra
Sutra 3.27: By focusing on the sun through the process of samyama, you can gain knowledge of the universe.
Sutra 3.28: By focusing on the moon through the process of samyama, you can gain knowledge of the arrangement of the stars.
At first glance, you may wonder why these sutras have anything to do with receiving. So, let’s dive in and unpack it.
In Sutra 3.27, Patanjali suggests using the sun, and more importantly, its qualities, as an object of focus in meditation. What is fascinating to me about this particular sutra is that ancient yogis were convinced that focusing on the qualities of the sun, not the Earth, would bring about wisdom of the entire universe. Remember, the Sutra was written sometime around 300-400 CE. It wasn’t until 1543 CE that Copernicus published his theory of the universe revolving around the sun, rather than the Earth, and it wasn’t until 1610 CE that Galileo was able to make further discoveries through his telescope that confirmed this theory of heliocentrism. While Copernicus and Galileo get much of the credit for discovering that the Earth revolves around the sun and not the other way around, it was, in fact, common knowledge to the yogis thousands(!) of years prior that the sun was the center of the universe.
The yogis understood that the qualities of the sun were life-giving. They looked at the sun not from a scientific perspective, but from an energetic perspective. The energetic qualities of the sun were an essential component to life on Earth. Light. Heat. Fire. We need to receive those qualities to survive and to thrive. In Vedic Astrology the energy of the Sun represents your True Self and manifests as external qualities that set up the constructs for how you are perceived in the world by others.
Not only do you need the life-giving qualities of the sun’s heat to survive, cultivating the qualities of the sun in your subtle body allows your own inner light, your inner sun, to shine brightly. By using the sun as an object of focus in your samyama practice, you acknowledge that these qualities are important to your overall wellbeing and you acquire the power of the sun—to shine brightly, to spread warmth and comfort, to illumine the path for others. Receiving the power of the sun can help you come into relationship with the whole world.
If you mix fire with fire, you’ll get more fire. Receiving and cultivating the qualities of the moon, outlined in Sutra 3.28, can help you avoid burn-out. The moon represents the opposite qualities of the sun, although it still provides illumination (from the sun) in darkness. The qualities of the moon include peacefulness, gentleness, nurturing, creativity, and coolness. In Vedic Astrology, the moon is the most influential planet on your inner landscape, affecting your emotions, feelings, and inner life. When you focus on these qualities in your samyama practice, you ensure an inner checks-and-balances system on the ego-stoking, fiery energy of the sun. The qualities of the moon allow you to take action with compassion.
Patanjali claims that focusing on the moon will bestow you the power of knowing the arrangement of the stars. Why would you need to know the arrangement of the stars?
Understanding the arrangement of the stars helped early explorers navigate in darkness. The stars are guideposts in the night sky that help explorers understand the passage of time. If your inner constellations are the web of thoughts and emotions you cycle through in the course of a day, understanding the arrangement of your inner landscape will help you better navigate your journey through life with more ease. Successful navigation helps you reach your destination safely and requires you receiving a lot of help along the way.
Applying the principle of receiving
There are many ways to receive. You can receive compliments from others with a simple thank you as acknowledgement rather than arguing that you are not worthy. Practice gratitude when you receive gifts from others, regardless of whether or not it was expected. When someone gives, they do it with love and intention. Don’t rebuff their love by arguing that you are unworthy of their kindness. The same process can be followed when you receive money. Instead of refusing to accept kindness from others, thank those who wish to help you. Perhaps ask yourself why you don’t want help. This inquiry can help you uncover deep-rooted belief systems that are preventing you from receiving the energy that will propel you forward in your endeavors.
If you ever feel like something is being presented to you out of obligation, this is a great opportunity to question what feels off in the exchange. For example, a colleague of mine noticed she kept getting thank you cards sent to her by her clients after she would work them. While nice, the fact that most clients were sending her cards after their work together got her thinking. It’s not normal for you to send a thank you card to your doctor after every appointment. The “thank you” is implicit in the payment for services. My colleague realized she was pricing her services far too low and her clients, forever grateful for what they were receiving, felt like paying the fee wasn’t enough. So they sent the cards. This inquiry prompted my colleague to increase her prices. Now the clients don’t feel obligated that they owe something more after their sessions and the balance of giving and receiving has been restored in my colleague’s business.
In yoga practice, give yourself the space and time to receive the benefits of a pose, a breath, a mantra, or silence. Rather than rushing through practice just to check it off your to-do list, let yourself marinate in the power of the practice. Maybe give yourself an extra minute in Savasana or add a minute to your meditation practice. Let yourself receive the wisdom of the teaching being presented to you. Turn off your phone or other distractions and be fully present in your learning journey.
As a teacher, receive praise from your students and colleagues with grace. Say thank you, and leave it at that. Actively restrain yourself from deflecting. Even if it’s uncomfortable, sit with it. Take a deep breath. Smile. Take a moment to notice how it feels in your body to be complimented. Does it help you feel more balanced and grounded and loved or less? You have put in so much work to sit in front of a classroom and teach others. It’s okay to be recognized for your efforts. Just don’t let it go to your head.
Receiving is ultimately a practice of acknowledging your self-worth. You are worthy of love, of recognition, of help. Receive that and you will go far in this world.
Put it into practice
To practice the principle of receiving, join me for my next yoga class series, Comfort + Joy, starting Dec. 2.
And, to see a perfect example of how uncomfortable it can be to receive well (and how ubiquitous this trope is in our modern lifestyle), indulge yourself with this short clip from the Emmy-award winning television series Schitt’s Creek. David is not great at receiving. Think of how different this entire exchange could have been, had he just said, “Oh, thank you! Let me go find Patrick to tell him how much I appreciate this sweet gesture.” Alas, then there would be no need for this entire episode. Don’t you love it when popular television teaches you a real-life yoga lesson? Enjoy!
