I recently had a bad day. By bad I mean I was completely unmotivated to do anything. I had a to-do list, stuff to get done. I had client work to accomplish, projects to complete (and start). I had workouts to do. Food to make. A dog to take care of. And I didn’t want to do any of it.
I’ve never suffered from depression, but I think this might be the closest I’ve come. I had never quite felt the total lack of any motivation despite a healthy body. It was my mind that was failing.
Things were fuzzy. I couldn’t concentrate. No focus. My mind wandered, almost obsessively. I imagined a sparking circuit breaker on the brink of buzzing out. Bzzzz. Bzzzzz.
Every time I tried to do something, I got distracted. The weird thing was, I did accomplish the hardest things on my list! The things I had been putting off. It was the little, easy things that I couldn’t bring myself to do.
All of the sudden I wanted to cook! I pushed myself to film the videos I didn’t want to film. I even started some client work that I’d been procrastinating on for over a week.
But I couldn’t send an email. I couldn’t write some copy. I could barely even write a blog. (I tried three times before striking gold at 6:00pm).
It was clear that I was having an off day. I’d even acutely recognized that something wasn’t right as I was driving to my workout. Couldn’t put my finger on it, wasn’t even that worried about defining it. I just knew. I knew it when I woke up. It was going to be a zero motivation day.
I’ve had zero motivation days before, but nothing like this. My motivation was completely dead. It was time to have a proper funeral.
My old life is dead.
In my new life, I’m committed to listening and asking questions rather than operating as the know-it-all. I used to think I was cool when I could spur conversation with some weird news story I heard on the radio or read online. It’s much cooler to be confident in silence.
I don’t have time to waste reading about things that don’t really matter.
In my new life, I’m on a mission. People on a mission don’t waste time by engaging in pettiness for the sake of killing time.
I don’t undervalue my worth. That’s just stupid.
In my new life, I’m confident that the price I charge is a steal of a deal, because I’m talented, I work hard and I produce stellar results for every single person I’ve ever worked for. Ask any of my ex-bosses (except for Target…I only lasted there for two days).
Goodbye 9-5. You’ll be missed.
Revolution and Transformation don’t happen during normal business hours. (click to tweet)
Obviously – most people are too busy working to take part in the revolution!
Goodbye steady paycheck. I really said goodbye to you a long time ago, but I’ve been in denial. Stability and peace of mind are not for the rabble rousers. Deal with it.
Goodbye to you normal. You were a nice concept. But I had you figured out all wrong. Somewhere along the way, I prematurely buried my “I’m weird and proud of it” adage. It resurrected every now and then, but practicality pushed it back into the ground and piled more dirt on top.
And practicality! You had a nice run. It’s time for you to go now too. Funny, but you can’t be a dreamer and practical. I tried.
Goodbye beliefs about how the world works. It doesn’t work that way.
Goodbye old dreams: PR maven, magazine journalist, Corporate BigWig. I never really wanted you anyway. Sorry I led you on.
It’s a bit of a massacre around here. But I will move on. My future is bright. I may be haunted by some old demons here and there, but that’s the way of life. I know I’ll figure it out. I’m a master at figuring it out.
This soul just woke up.
Almost a year ago, someone told me to write my old story and then re-write my new story. I wrote my old story. When it came to writing my new story, I left the page blank. I wasn’t sure what I wanted my new story to be. I felt at the time that leaving the page blank was symbolic as it was. My new story had yet to be written.
In the past year, I’ve been subconsciously re-writing my story and this morning it was time to put words to paper.
My new story is awesome. It’s compassionate. It’s beautiful. It’s fulfilling. It’s me.
I burned the old one. I read it first, let it sink in and then watched the flames crumble the paper reality to pieces of ash. I watched it smolder. I watched it transform. I watched it disappear. Then the sun poked through the clouds and I gazed up into the sky with a coy smile on my face.
Because I’m working on expressing myself courageously and confidently, I’d like to share with you my new story.
Introducing the story of Ashley Josephine Herzberger
I see myself as a strong, confident woman with a large heart. I believe in myself. I have faith in myself and my abilities. I express myself confidently and courageously in a strong and harmonious way.
My name is Ashley Josephine Herzberger and I am a creative visionary. I empower young women to find and experience inner confidence so they can see new possibilities and create a career and life that matters to them, fulfills them and helps the world. I use yoga, meditation, writing, energy, speaking, coaching, teaching, relaxation, nourishment and love to express myself and spread my message.
I have a large, valuable skill set that makes me unique and also deeply qualified to do this work. I have marketing experience, incredible writing abilities for a broad variety of outlets, teaching skills, compassion, connection and an ability to see the big picture. I’m an ideas person.
My life is not defined, but rather open and evolving. I make money through teaching yoga classes, workshops and retreats as well as through my writing and online coaching practice. I believe in myself and the value of what I do.
I know there are many unknowns. But this gives me the freedom to continuously follow my passions, learn new skills and wisdom and apply it as a I feel I need and/or want to.
I am an author. I am a teacher. I am a healer. I am a leader. I am admired. I am inspiring. I am loved. I am grateful. I am Ashley Josephine Herzberger and I love myself and my life.
My relationships are strong because I have a large heart and I trust my friends and family.I am patient and understand that the things I want most in life are worth working for. Love is all around me. My friendships and family nourish me and replenish my soul.
I work hard. I take care of myself. I help others and in return, the universe provides for me everything I need.
Travel and learning are important parts of my life. Between family, friends, yoga, writing, self-care, playtime, work, and travel, my life is full.
Sat Nam.
Image Credit: deeplifequotes
